It could be the PMS at work. I am feeling as though I am going nowhere in whatever I am doing, whether is it at work, in blogging, in my personal life. There are so much to achieve but I’m just too far from it. Since this is a beauty blog, let’s talk about the blogging part.
When I started this blog about a year ago, before I popped, I just wanted to keep a journal of my pursuit to look and feel better about myself. Somehow, writing makes me feel responsible for that pursuit. Self-confidence has always been something I struggle with. Do I look good? Is anyone noticing the acnes, the scars and the pigmentations on my face? Yucks. I have ugly teeth and overly red gums. Don’t laugh, Yvonne. Just keep cool and quiet. Well, soon I would feel like the redundant piece of furniture in one corner of the room. Forgotten. And then all the struggles about I am not welcomed, ignored, blah blah blah happens in my head and sometimes tears would well up.
After nearly a year of blogging here, I have this whole load of negative thoughts attacking the goal I have set out for myself. I am no beauty guru at all. Not trained in makeup or in skincare knowledge. Can’t even say I am a creative person to begin with. All I am doing, thus far, was just to write down my thoughts and experience on products and services. Sometimes, my husband’s harmless concern on my blog traffic, number of readers, etc make me feel nervous. It’s like asking me if keeping this blog is worth it at all.
So, I am feeling as though I am once again going nowhere in whatever I am trying to achieve. Then I find myself asking myself over and over again… What do you want to achieve, really? To be truthful, it would be nice if I get invited to blogger events, get to know beauty fanatics that are friendly, receive samples for reviews, get paid for writing, etc. All the dreams come true for a beauty blogger. The question is… when all these are not in my path now, do I have to give up?
At the end of the day, I just need to be clear. My purpose. My pursuit to feel and look better. Do I look better after a year of exploring and organizing my thoughts? Yes, I do look much better now. I may not be the typical young pretty lass, but I certainly look much better now. And do I feel better about myself? I think so. Though I still mind how my teeth and gums are, I feel less bothered that I laugh and smile as much I want to. Who cares if someone or everyone mind seeing my ugly buck teeth and gums… I just want to love and accept myself even more. Including those less than perfect eyes, nose, ears, hair, skin and teeth. Ha!
And ah! I feel better just by putting my thoughts and emotions into writing. See the point? That is why I keep my blog. But wait, please. Event organizers, advertizers, sponsors, look over here, contact me soon! 😉